​A Poem for the Holidays

'Twas the Night of the Audit

'Twas the night of the audit and all through the room

Not a person was happy, they all sat in gloom.

The files were stored in the cabinets with care

'Cause internal auditing soon would be there.

Employees all hid in their cubes full of dread

While visions of firings danced in their heads.

My admin had data, and me, my reports,

And we'd just settled down to go through our support.

When out on the street there arose such a clatter

I sprang to my feet to see what was the matter.

Out of the office I flew like a flash,

Ran out to the lobby in one headlong dash.

The moon on the black of the asphalt outside

Was creepy and made me want to go hide.

When, what to my wondering eyes did I glean,

But two rental cars and the auditing team.

With a dark-suited driver who moved with such speed,

I knew in a moment it must be the lead.

More rapid than year-end the auditors came.

He encouraged and prompted and called them by name.

Now Fieldwork! Now Findings! Now Grapevine and Grammar!

On Chapter! On Charter! On Program and Planner!

To the front office foyer! Now inside the halls!

Now get in there! Get in there! Get in there all!

As reasons to leave a meeting room fly

'Cause the meeting's so boring you just want to die.

So, into the office the auditors flew

With computers and bags and the audit lead, too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard at each desk

The ticking and tying of auditing's best.

As I walked to my office and then turned around,

Through the door the lead auditor came with a bound.

He was dressed in professional business attire,

Neither looking too flashy nor too old and tired.

A very thick folder he had in his hands

And he looked like he had every moment well planned.

His eyes — they were focused! I knew he was serious.

The look on his face was almost mysterious.

His droll little mouth had a hint of a smile

As he sat 'cross my desk and pulled out some files.

The stump of a pen he held tight in his fist

And the papers went flying as he worked on his list.

He had a quick way of filling out forms

That shook the whole room like a ship in a storm.

Immersed in his duties, absorbed by his tasks,

No word was wasted when questions he asked.

Then he glanced with a smile, gave a twist to his head,

And that's when I knew I had nothing to dread. 

He spoke not a word, but finished his work,

And with his sheets filled he turned with a jerk.

And, laying workpapers inside his briefcase,

He gave me a nod and then left my place.

He ran to the halls, to his team gave a whistle,

And away they did go like a fired up missile.

But I heard him exclaim, 'ere he drove out of sight,

"Effective opinion!  Now go home!  Good Night!"

Here's wishing you a happy holiday season.