Mind of Jacka: Even More Audit Carols for the Holidays

Well, it's been a while, so it's probably time for more auditing cheer. Let's warm up our vocal cords, spike up the wassail, and sharpen our pencils as we all sing along with these soon to be classics.

The Audit Scope
(To the tune of "The 12 Days of Christmas")

This audit included:

12 useless samples
11 days of writing
10 seconds of planning
9 evaluations
8 confusing tick marks
7 process flowcharts
6 observations
5 interviews
4 transaction checks
3 bad tests
2 file reviews
And a good cause to fire the auditor

Phony Books or "The Auditee's Lament"
(To the tune of "Silver Bells")

Shredding files, making piles
Out of real work we've done
'Cause there's so much inside it we fear.
Bogus entries, all the hints we
Have been cooking the books,
Trying to hide it as audit comes near.

Phony books. Phony books.
It's audit time in the office.
In the red. Hear us shred.
Soon it will be audit day.

I Saw Three Tests
(To the tune of "I Saw Three Ships")

I saw three tests come trickling in
At audit close, at audit close.
I saw three tests come in real late
At audit close in the evening.

I asked the team "What happened here?"
At audit close, at audit close.
I asked them "Why are you so late
At audit close in the evening?"

They claimed things hadn't gone as planned
As deadlines loomed, as deadlines loomed.
They claimed some problems reared their heads
As deadlines loomed in the evening.

So, then I looked at all three tests
At audit close, at audit close.
I looked at all three tests in shock
At audit close in the evening.

And saw that fraud quite rampant was
At audit close, at audit close.
That there was nothing good to say
As audit close was approaching

Thus our report was quite delayed
Past audit close, past audit close.
Thus our report came out real late
Past audit close in the evening.

But by then there was no one left
Past audit close, past audit close.
No one to read a single word,
The business closed in the morning.

The Audit Song
(To the tune of  "The Christmas Song")

Cash and checks are all left unsecured.
Fake employees on the rolls.
Vendors paid without any support.
And costs dressed up like income flows.
Everybody knows the clerks are stealing petty cash.
Kickbacks flowing left and right.
VPs caught with their hands in the tills
Will find it hard to sleep tonight.
They know the finding's on its way.
It's got lots of risks and weakness to convey.
And all the CFOs are gonna try
To see if they can blame it on the other guy.
And so I'm offering this simple phrase
To all from clerks to CEOs.
Although it's been said many times may ways,
You have got no controls.

I Saw Mommy Audit Santa Claus
(To the tune of "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus)

I saw Mommy audit Santa Claus
Working late at home on Christmas Eve.
She didn't see me creep
Downstairs to have a peep.
She thought the red book had put me to sleep.

Then I saw Mommy question Santa Claus
About the balances that showed up red.
Oh what a laugh it would have been
If Daddy had only seen
Mommy question Santa Claus all night.

Then I heard Mommy say to Santa Claus,
"Here's blankets and a pillow for your head."
Oh what a laugh it's going to be
When Daddy comes in to see
Santa sleeping on the couch tonight

I'm Dreaming of a Clean Audit
(To the tune of "I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas")

I'm dreaming of a clean audit,
Just like the one a year ago.
Where there were no findings
And no reminding
The clients that they've moved too slow.
I'm dreaming of a clean audit,
With every new control I see.
May your test work all be routine.
And may all your audits be clean.