Mind of Jacka: Who's in Control?

This was a long time ago. Yes, we had computers and email, but there was no Skype, no Zoom. In fact, I don’t think Twitter, Facebook, or LinkedIn were important yet. Technological solutions were not available.

Therefore, I made the decision to have the two teams meet at a central location — Durango, Colorado. Yeah, I know the decision to meet in Durango in the summer was a tough one for the Phoenix team (100 degrees and counting), but we were willing to bite the bullet and make the sacrifice.

We achieved a lot. We got to know each other, and some long-term bonding occurred. We watched videos from a recent gathering of the organization’s global internal audit leadership group. From these, our team gained a broader perspective of what the local, national, and international internal audit teams were trying to accomplish. I also had each person give a presentation in their area of expertise. This provided everyone with deeper insight into our clients’ responsibilities, as well as the associated work we were doing. An added benefit was that I was able to reaffirm my faith in the skills of certain individuals, was disappointed by some who did not do a particularly good job, and found at least one diamond in the rough who surprised me with their knowledge and presentation skills.

Now, here is the interesting part. I made the decision to hold the event in the heat of anger. You see, in spite of what many will tell you, I paid fairly close attention to the budget. And, generally, I did a good job of coming close. (Let’s call it +/- 10%; that’s not bad, is it?) However, one thing I couldn’t stand was someone badgering me about the budget.

As I was thinking about trying to bring the team together, I knew the budget was stretched pretty thin. It would be tough to do what I really wanted. Then I got a call/an email/an I-don’t-really-remember-what that was an admonition to pay closer attention to the budget. (A budget that, at that point, I had under control.) And, because I was already doing it, I got angry. And I pulled the trigger to go over budget and hold the event. No authority. No approvals. I just did it.

Always ask forgiveness, not permission.

So, after the fact, my superiors did not have the same positive response to the meeting my team had. There were repercussions that involved apologizing (see above) for putting together and executing a non-budgeted event. Not sure how I survived the repercussions. But, well, I kept my job.

This came to mind as I was reading quotes from Dr. Julie Gurner’s interview with the Farnam Street Group.:

I am my own man or woman, and I move forward… if you are somebody who uses other events as a reason to self-destruct, you’re ceding power… We see that even in companies — ‘I’m doing this because so-and-so made me angry. I’m doing this because…’ — and you end up making some poor decisions and ceding power because of someone else. You’re willing to make a poor decision. You’re willing to give up. 

In spite of the fact that others saw the Durango meeting as a rash act, I believe that the decision I made in anger was still a good decision. However, emotional decisions seldom fair well. And the minute my decision was made in anger was technically the minute I lost control and let events determine my actions rather than being driven by common sense or critical thinking.

Anger is often the driver of emotion-based decisions. But any emotion can have a negative impact, overtaking common sense and taking control away from the decision-maker. Any emotion: fear, elation, sadness, anxiety, surprise, guilt, compassion, et al — they can all be a detriment to good decision-making. And take a second look at that list; there are a few you might not have thought of as “harmful to decision making.” Yet, each can warp our perceptions.

The internal audit world is full of charged moments — moments when emotions on each side move into strange areas. Of course, we have to be aware of the emotions others are experiencing. (Read up on anything regarding emotional intelligence.) But we also have to watch ourselves closely; we have to set the standard.

I’ve seen and heard of situations where anger got the better of auditors, sometimes involving screaming matches with clients. (There’s a great story about an internal auditor telling one of our agents that the contract did not allow him to have a second job, so he would have to resign as mayor. Apparently, chair-throwing ensured.) But, on the other end of the spectrum, emotions can cause the auditor to be quiet/passive-aggressive/stone-faced because they know they can settle the score in other ways.

We’ve all succumbed, even in small ways, to such temptations. Have you ever made sure an audit was conducted over a process where you felt the manager had slighted you in the past? Have you ever expanded a test because you didn’t like the way someone reacted? Have you ever spent extra time on a risk that wasn’t really that high to make sure an individual “learned their lesson”? Or, as justification, have you ever said something as innocuous and insidious as “I just don’t trust that person”?

We have to make sure we are viewing all our decisions without an overriding attack of emotion. Step back, calm down, examine yourself, and then do what is right.

And now, having proposed one theory, a counter theory of sorts. Here’s a quote from Tom Peters:

At some point today (today!), despite “overload”… just say, “what the hell” and go for it in some way or other (Likewise, worry if it’s been more than a week or so since you said to yourself, “what the hell.”)

Emotions cannot and should not be taken out of the equation. Sometimes, letting them loose, ever so carefully, is not a bad thing.

I’ve got a couple of other stories besides the Durango Meetings (or Durango Boondoggle as my boss at the time liked to call it) where I let emotions take on an important role. No, this wasn’t the first or last time I made decisions in the heat (or cold) of the moment.  But I think a good portion of those decisions were successful. I succeeded by just going for it in some way or the other.

And that leads to one more point. All decisions, whether made under cool and calm conditions or in the “go for it” mode, must be made with your brain somewhere nearby. In my examples, I may not have done some of the best critical thinking in my life, but critical thinking was involved. And, even with a little more emotion than may have been right, I believe my brain was at least partially engaged and, sometimes, the right things were done.

So, watch where your decisions are coming from — what is driving them. Make sure emotions are under control, but don’t discount them, either. And, if you’re on the fence, I’d vote for “do it,” as long as your brain was there when you made the decision.